makeover

so i went to a swapping party last night and found a demure little scalloped red headband. i happened to be wearing an old lbd that i had custom fitted a long time ago and never wore bc the right opportunity never came along. as soon as i put on that little red headband, i decided that my new style icon would be blair waldorf. i'm over my slutty hobo look. being as poor as i am right now, i need to feel rich and i'm going to achieve that feeling sartorially. i'm saying so long to my jeans and slouchy t-shirts and saying hello to old favourite dresses, capes, and driving gloves. it's time to be a lady again.

i've also cut back on my drinking. i'm turning over a new leaf and living my party life only in moderation now. i want to make it to the top and i'm going to do it by staying low key and dressing impeccably.

sunday dusk

i think i should get sober. this party life is just not cool anymore, it makes me lay in bed at 4:30 on a sunday afternoon. and i want to sleep but i don't bc i'm afraid of being awake at 4am. there is so much i should do right now but i can't. i just want to be happy. i feel so uninspired and very unenthusiastic about anything in life except watching gossip girl on my computer. i got a gig writing for refinery29 but i don't even have anything to offer bc i just don't care. maybe i should just sleep. and sleep and sleep and sleep. the light of dusk through my blinds is so pretty, but it only lasts for 20 mins.

lost dog

all signs pointed to no when i went on a trek to get a little bot of vod and some dog food. all roads leading to vons were closed, there must have been some psycho on the loose. i finally got out of the mess and made my way to rite aid but alas it was closed. so i went to my last resort, the ghetto ralphs down pico since it was closest to me at the moment. when i finally got my hands on a $5.99 bottle and some 45cent packets of dog meat, i had to wait in line forever behind a man that had all kinds of probs including the cashier questioning whether or not the check he wrote was actually his. i should have taken this all as a sign not to indulge my alcoholism and to end my longing for the dog that found her way into my yard the other day.

it's a tricky affair. i have no money to pay vet bills, and she hasn't been back here since sunday night. i'd hoped to lure her back tonight with a bowl of food on the porch but i decided she was too precious and needed the good kind. when she comes back she will enjoy a healthy portion of filet mignon.

anyway, she found me at the most incredibly perfect moment. i was on the porch so hopping mad about yet another love gone wrong. she ran to me and we played forever, me squealing in utter delight the whole time. when it was time for me to help make dinner, i asked vanessa if she had ever seen me as happy as i was at that moment, and she said no, went back inside and they all made dinner without me while i hung out with my dream dog. she was on the larger side of small, and had the same coloring as our calico cat. she never once barked, just hopped around and caught the dirty tennis ball i found. then she let me pet her forever and she was so dirty my hand was covered in grey, which makes me think she has been lost for a little while. i tried to woo her in but she was afraid of our cat. she came back twice that night, but i haven't seen her since :(

i know she is meant to be mine, so i will just await her return. when she does come back her name will be francoise, and she'll wear my pink silk paris scarf around her neck.

nearing the finish line

i have been swamped for the past week! this will all be over tonight and the first thing i'm going to do is paint my nails. here's a vid of what i'm writing about. it's going to be tight.

tap tap

i like when things start to work out. i'm just happy today bc things started off so fucked up but all i had to do was get out of bed, make some calls, do my nails while watching "penelope" with vanessa in the middle of the day, and now things are exponentially better and i can breathe a sigh of relief. i just have to stay posi. this all sounds real gay, but i realized that little things really make a diff. gotta work.

i hate the phrase "what's on tap for today/tonight/this weekend?"

CREAM

i figured enough time has passed that i can start writing in this again. everyone has forgotten about it since i stopped updating. not that anyone was reading it before anyway. but anyway, i just feel like writing right now because it's late and i want to do work but i always feel better about moving forward with work after i've expressed myself somehow, to no one.

my fingers hurt because all i have been doing all night is practicing guitar so that elijah can be proud of me. i love playing music with him but he is so good and fast and i can barely keep up so i practiced alone tonight and came up with some awesome new riffs for our song.

i have been so depressed lately, mostly about money. god, i can't wait till i get all my shit together. i have a new job but i am so delinquent on all my bills and i am just basically fucked right now for the next couple of months or however long it takes me to get caught up. with runway season going on, plus a recent trip to barneys i am finally starting to remember that i can use my love of designer clothing as a motivator. that sounds stupid but it's totally dumb to be working in the "fashion" field but being completely unable to shop. it's not conducive to staying up on the scene in general. i just see a pair of tough black boots and want to die bc i can't have them and then i just don't want to look at anything at all.

i dunno things will improve soon, i know, i just have to stay posi. i feel so weird about this show on saturday, i just feel like my luck has been so shitty and everything's gonna get fucked. i just want a nice man to take care of me.

<3

these are things i love right now.

i found these miniature roses at whole foods and now they are my favourite flower. the cat lamp was given to me by my boss after a shoot. he thought it was so kitschy and weird but i loved it.

i've discovered the secret to a great life. work for 2 weeks, break for 2 weeks, and so on and so on. after an extremely busy couple of weeks, i finally got to clean my apt and do laundry for the first time in a whole month. last night i had margaritas and then fell asleep in my clothes. i woke up early and finished "south of the border, west of the sun" and went out and got coffee and groceries. i just finished breakfast which was yogurt with blueberries and honey. now i will spend the day catching up on my writing, and perhaps i will hop down to echo park later and skip stones.

the past couple of days have been like autumn in may here is LA. i love everything about life right now.

Rosemary and cornmeal cake

15 min meal

Mobile blogging from lax. Why are people always dressed so fucked up at airports? I hate grumpy old white couples. Ill never be one. My flight is delayed...as always! I could be cha cha-ing tonight.

Simple pleasures

food, comps

i'm going to be annoying and do a real, non-picture post. the main thing on my mind right now is desert. i had a mediocre egg salad sandwich from whole foods, and they did not have my favourite kind of kombucha, so now i'm a bit grouchy and just want something sweet to eat. i also can't stop wondering if i have ricotta cheese in my fridge (i'm not home). i just learned how to make scones, and now i want to make a scone version of these lemon-ricotta muffins i made before. did you know they have really cheap spices and things at target? they don't have much of a selection, but i did get some nutmeg and pure almond extract for like 2 bucks a pop. it's more than twice that at the grocery store! i'm almost to the point where i don't even have to leave my house to get anything if i want to bake. i really have food on my mind a lot. i'm trying to figure out what i should have for lunch tomorrow, on my last day at work! it's going to be rad. i keep fantasizing about going to whole foods and picking up so much delicious vegetarian food, but i haven't had any time to grocery shop this past week. anyway, i want to make everyone a compilation of la music so everyone will want to move here. send me your addresses.

Traffic but its pretty

Bro town usa!

Most magical tv

A man gave me a lovely cake from paris baguette

Pixelated porn

"A long night full of magic!"

Art night

health!

i am so blown away right now after seeing health. best live band! their energy was unrelenting and unparallelled! i seriously have not seen that much chemistry in a band like, ever. and they are incredibly tight as far as their performance, it was unbelieveable. i usually get so so bored at shows. i roll my eyes at the prospect of "one more song". but for the first time ever i could have watched a band play all night. it was seriously mind-blowing!

Were having valentines day early

Were paddle boating!

In bed!

My birthday!

Been bored...baking muffins and watching little mermaid

Skinhead bunny

Tiniest grater ever

This bok choy is so beautimous

Davy jones is so pissed he cant get into my room

99Cents only