Blonde is the New Bond

You'd think on a Tuesday night, you could score a decent seat at the movies, equidistant from the front, back, left, and right sides of the theater. No one sitting too close to you so you wouldn't have to feel bad about mocking all the romantic comedy previews. Not in LA. Not with all this Bond-mania going on. I have to admit, I fell victim to the franchise's brilliant marketing techniques. Not only has it successfully wooed me into the theater for 11 bucks a pop (for a blockbuster action flick, no less), but the recurring product placement had my mind on Sony Ericssons, Aston Martins, Omega watches, and even vodka martinis. Damn, this new 007 makes everything look good.

When I first learned that they had cast Daniel Craig for this role I thought, What? A blonde Bond? And when I started seeing the trailers with him emerging from the ocean with his Adonis-like physique, paying homage to the infamous Honey Rider scene from Dr. No I thought, What? A buff Bond? I wasn't too crazy about him, until I realized that I had never liked the slick-shoes, slow-moving Bonds of old anyhow. So the idea of a new, edgier Bond really grew on me. This is one serious ass-kicking 007. Not only that, but he manages to maintain the usual charm of the character while bringing a brooding darkness to the role. I found him to be the most intriguing (and sexiest!) Bond to date. Having the newest Bond girl, Vesper Lynd (Eva Green) by his side didn't hurt either. Casting a 26-year-old, fair-skinned, waifish French actress as a Bond girl seemed like a less than obvious choice, but there is a truly enigmatic quality to Vesper Lynd that Eva Green captures almost effortlessly. Once hailed by Italian director Bernardo Bertolucci as being "so beautiful it's indecent", Eva Green does not play your typical Bond girl. More gamine than femme fatale, Vesper Lynd (James Bond's first true love) is refreshingly intelligent and vulnerable, unlike past bimbo-like love interests. It was as if the role was tailor-made for the actress, whose presence is so alluring I couldn't take my eyes off of her anytime she was onscreen. And the chemistry between her and Daniel Craig is seductive without being lusty.

At one point, the film does become a bit heavy on the romance, which almost ruined the whole thing for me. But don't lose your lunch--sit through it and it eventually makes perfect sense. Casino Royale has most of the cool stuff from traditional Bond films (i.e. Le Chiffre--a bastard of a villain who weeps blood!), but with a lot less cheese. If you like your Bond hokey, cliche, and superficial, just stay home and watch SpikeTV. If you don't give a damn whether your vodka martini is shaken or stirred, go ahead and pay the outrageous ticket prices. It's worth it to finally see a more human Bond come to life on the big screen.

I Met David Lynch and His Cow Nearly Pissed On Me

Hey. You. You know that movie you like? You know, the one that you look at your DVD rack and smile about? The one that satisfies you intellectually, emotionally and visually. The one that grows in both depth and meaning everytime you watch it. The one that has spent hours and hours, perhaps even days, spinning itself into a mangled, scratched, worthless scrap of plastic on pause in your DVD player. That one that you'd never download on edonkey or limewire or bittorrent and would gladly buy a million times over in order to support the artists involved in its making. You know that one? It sucks.
The actors are bad, the cinematography ill-conceived, the editing rushed, the director an obviously demented sociopath. Don't get me started about the special effects. God help your movie and its "special effects." If an infinite amount of monkeys given an infinite amount of time could randomly punch out Shakespeare then a team of four could probably shit your movie's screenplay out in a night of heavy drinking. The musical score is as ill placed as watermelon and fried chicken at a Klan rally. Seriously, its terrible, and you should feel bad.

Five horrible movies beloved to my generation:
1. American Psycho
2. Boondock Saints
3. Garden State
4. American Beauty
5. Kevin Smith

Take a look at your collection and add some more to the list.

D-livered!

My goal tonight was to watch "Tenacious D: The Pick of Destiny" for free at a previewed showing in a local mall. Not even a wedged tractor trailer in the mid-town tunnel could keep me from this task! I had painstakingly planned out my afternoon to give a massage at my boss's house, then home to shower/eat/smoke up and have friends meet at my place to go to the movie together. Everything got botched on my way home from the massage thanks to the squished semi and I had to go straight to the mall and call the peeps (no, i don't have a cell!) regarding plan B - "everyone meet me at Chili's in the Food Court while I suck down Long Islands!".

Tenacious D's first album blew my mind. Sure the songs were a rip off of every major rock song from the 'classical' period, but the music paid homage to sex, drugs and rock and roll. How fun it is to scream motherfucker with the bravado of Robert Plant! I figured the "Pick Of Destiny" would be a let down in that they would just replicate the episodes from their HBO show, but I was stupid excited about the new songs that would grace the soundtrack. To my surprise the exact opposite happened because the new songs for the movie are kinda weak and the movie itself was fresh. The title track is by far the most kick ass and the opening musical number with Meatloaf and the child actor who looks just like JB is pretty tasty, but the rest of the songs come nowhere close to "Wonderboy" or "Double Team". I also was left wanting more of the control freak Jables. His usual cocksure portrait of the frontman is one of the most precious things about Tenacious D and it only lightly appeared.

I was happy with the plot development - prophetic vision given by Dio, chance meeting of KG, train for mission then rock off with Satan - and the guest appearances by Dio, #1 fan Lee, executive producer Ben Stiller, Amy Poehler, Tim Robbins, Colin Hanks, John C. Reilly (as tripping Sass) and self-believed rock god Dave Grohl were fun to spot. The story used key elements that worked on the HBO show and added some made for the big screen components, like a car chase, that held your attention for the running time. All in all, the D got their message of "friends that rock together are border line queer for each other " out there. I laughed out loud, I predicted jokes, I pointed at the screen and I sang along to the "History of The D" thanks impart to the stuck truck that drove me to drink (alot!). I suggest you have a shot or hit before you download the torrent of this movie and it will be D-lightful.

***

"Nothing comes between me and my Calvins"

I'm sitting here at work and just this second I noticed how comfy my jeans are. I've forgotten what this feels like. Not since my Earnest Sewn skinnies (which are on hiatus from my regular wardrobe rotation since they have gotten a bit snug) have I had this feeling of being One with my jeans. I do believe that there are moments when the stars are aligned, and people and perfect garments find each other. This happened to me the other day when I stumbled upon a pair of skinny Calvins for a mere 10 bucks. Not until I slipped into them did I realize that--as the old 90s slogan goes--nothing will ever come between me and my Calvins. So to Hell with Rogan Jeans, Tsubi, and True Religion. Calvins have made a comeback, complete with a steamy ad campaign featuring the designer's most iconic muse.

A Few of my Favourite Things

Here are my top 5 favourite things of the moment.

5. Scrubs - I love how we're in the age of actual funny stuff on Comedy Central. As a child who was too cynical to hang out with the neighborhood kids, I spent my summers indoors watching Mystery Science Theater, Benny Hill, Kids in the Hall, and Absolutely Fabulous. Between then and now, Comedy Central stopped being funny and boring stand-up shows prevailed. Well, today, among high-larious shows like Drawn Together and Reno-911, they've started showing Scrubs. I hate Zach Braff, but I LOVE this show.

4. Silky Smooth - THE BEST ice cream in LA, even if it is in a mall. And they advertise that it's 40% less fat than regular ice cream, and that's good enough for me!

3. Sequins - I want to fill my wardrobe with sequins. Sequins are so glam, they can make any girl feel like the most fabulous in the room. From black sheath dresses from FCUK, to gold striped MaxMara shifts, to multi-colored vintage Emilio Pucci, sequins are are the new black.

2. The Duel - Such a guilty pleasure. I have always, always been a sucker for Real World/Road Rules challenges. This is the best one yet. It makes me anticipate Thursdays the way The OC used to.

1. Sielian's Vintage Apparel - This adorable boutique has given me the pleasure of naming LA the vintage mecca of the US (sorry, New York, you're old news). The owner, Sielian Lie, has a true gift for finding vintage frocks that might as well have been designed by Lagerfeld himself (Chloe, circa 1970s). Not only is she the sweetest boutique owner you've ever met, but her dresses are priced from $60-$300--very reasonable considering they are one of a kind and in pristine condition. I'm looking forward to frequenting this place. I've already divulged the name of the store--she told me the best day to come, but I think I will keep that my own little secret.

no sleep til brooklyn

hey. look at my new dress.


i plan on wearing it for every holiday for the next 10 years. it will never go out of style. i went to nyc this past weekend. i had a horrible time. i saw kevin federline, went to a rave in williamsburg, and had no luck finding the perfect winter coat. but i did stumble across a diamond in the rough. with no agenda in my second favorite city, i was wandering around brooklyn with some friends trying to find the cool shops that we had googled. we were actually trying to find another store, when the creative visual merchandising next door caught my friend adam's eye. (the other store was too bourgeois and was playing frou frou, but i did take the free candy). built by wendy. amazing. from cute minidresses, up the wazoo to clever men's graphic thermals to jammies for little hipsters in training. wendy's claim to fame: guitar straps. she has designed a line of guitar straps for every kind of rockstar (ultra suede, canvas, tweed) - there is something for everyone. i forgot my credit card in virginia, so i couldn't buy everything in the store, but i wanted to. everything about built by wendy made me a believer. sales associate: cool. playing t rex: cool. offering simplicity patterns: cool. yes, the designer of this store recently wrote her own sewing book and simultaneously released a line of home made patterns, so that you may DIY. i strongly urge everyone to check this designer out. (she only has 3 stores: nyc, brooklyn, la, but go online!) finding this gem was the most exciting part of my trip. even more exciting than bad rap and glowsticks.

The Exquisite Art of Vintage

After only knowing about Los Feliz through common LA hipster knowledge, I finally got out of my West Hollywood bubble and drove down Sunset Blvd., past L. Ron Hubbard St., to the adorably chic neighborhood. Where Eastside cool meets Hollywood fab, lies my latest discovery as a new Angeleno: Squaresville. This place houses unique and stylish vintage at CHKD prices. Just yesterday I found a strapless black dress covered completely in black sequins (a la Dolce & Gabbana '04/'05) for a mere $32. Worth the price for the fit and the endless inquiries I'm bound to receive on a night on the town in this number.

Vintage pieces are pretty much wardrobe staples these days. Popularized by many a young Hollywood starlet, it almost takes a stylist to pull this look off. There is a thin line between looking chic in vintage, and looking like you just literally stepped out of the 1950s. Some girls are simply blessed with an intrinsic eye, and some girls are just well-trained in the art of style. For those left over, it can be difficult to pick out vintage looks that are fashion forward. The trick is to be careful with certain silhouettes and prints. Don't try to go head-to-toe vintage--update it and mix it up with of-the-moment pieces. Usually you can go with your instincts, and with the right confidence, you can wear the hell out of anything. But just because it looked amazing on Jane Birkin in the 60s, doesn't mean you will do it the same justice today. So just take a good look at yourself in the mirror, even if you have to occupy the fitting room forever like I do, and get a sense of what you can pull off, and what is best left in the past.

Babel Babble

The Tower of Babel was built by men in an attempt to reach the heavens without reverence to God. Angered by this defiance, God divided these men by creating languages and scattering all of humanity to different parts of the Earth so that people could no longer communicate. Alejandro Gonzalez Inarritu's film, Babel, brings this concept into modern times, where human disconnection is fed by cultural differences, language barriers, and fear of terrorism.

Three stories take place in Morocco, Tunisia, Mexico, and Japan. A single incident--an accidental shooting in Morocco--profoundly affects several people across the globe. A Morrocan family has to deal with the consequences of their children's reckless acts. Richard (Brad Pitt) frantically tries to save his wife Susan (Cate Blanchett) in Tunisia, while their children are at home and must tag along with their nanny, Amelia (Adriana Barraza), to Mexico for her son's wedding. The trip to Mexico takes a horrific turn for the children and Amelia, which has catastrophic effects on the lives of Amelia and her nephew Santiago (Gael Garcia Bernal). While these two stories are linked seamlessly, Chieko's (Rinko Kikuchi) story in Japan seems to only serve as emphasis for the overall themes. As a teenage girl living as a deaf-mute, Chieko's communication gap with everyone around her is unique and heartbreaking. It never fully connects to the other two stories, but it is no less poignant. The acting is nothing short of riveting. Rinko Kikuchi portrays Chieko with great complexity and vulnerability. Brad Pitt gives possibly the best performance of his career.

Though I found the film to be predictable, I won't spill any more details than that. While it wasn't a flawless piece of work, Babel achieved what I feel are the most important elements of cinema. It tells a story and provokes emotions within its audience. The simplistic, no frills cinematography still manages to leave an imprint on ones mind. Beneath the imagery lies deep human emotion, desperation, and suffering. It truly reflects where our world is today, which is tragic, yet refreshing to see a film that boasts such a realistic point of view. This film is worth seeing--and coming from me, that's saying a lot.

Fashionistas who shove raisins up their nose?

I have found a haute couture line for toddlers that can elevate them from juice stained onesies to whimsical pinafores. The Spring Line for ZeBird and Krickett has just been launched from the serene Outer Banks of North Carolina. The designer, Becca Hughes, has combined her love for sewing with the necessity to keep her daughter clothed. I admit this independent seamstress is a friend of mine, but nonetheless ZeBird and Krickett (www.zebirdandkrickett.com) is interesting. I am a sucker for any do-it-yourselfers out there who are providing a living for their family with art. Before becoming a mama, Becca was an amazing artist who impressed me with her choice of color and design on surfaces ranging from canvas to walls. You may still be able to find her tag on dumpsters in Norfolk, Va.

The skirts, pants, pinafores and tees from the Spring 2007 collection are dainty and playful. The juxtaposition of eccentric patterns set against the azure calm of denim bring the pieces a comfortable sophistication. Oversized and jauntily placed shapes give the clothes a signature touch. The pinafore is reversible which makes the price two for one. The pants remind me of Little BoPeep undergarments perfect for everyday wear or playing dress up.

I can imagine that the arduous task of dressing your child in the morning would become a cinch when they have clothes to wear that are made with their imagination in mind. The prices may be higher than the cutesy-pie clothes at Target, but I believe that these made by hand pieces of art are well worth it.

Chloe girls

Though it's not THE most legendary or avant-garde fashion house in existence, I must pay tribute to the enduring spirit of Chloe. Founded in 1956 by Gaby Aghion, it wasn't until the 70s when Karl Lagerfeld took the reigns that the world would know the now iconic style that is synonymous with the name. A younger, more flirty Chanel. Succeeding Lagerfeld were the likes of Stella McCartney and Phoebe Philo - designers who understood Lagerfeld's aesthetic and modernized it, putting Chloe back on the map in the past decade. It's only fitting that Marni's Paulo Melim Andersson is next in line to bring the house into the future.

Chloe girls are this generation's Chelsea girls. Smart, urban, quirky, yet feminine. The clothes are the perfect mix of casual and luxe, with a signature whimsical twist. So beautiful and perfect, that I admire them on hangers in boutiques, and they're almost too transcendent to touch. But every now and then I'm bold enough to put them on, and they're the kind of clothes a girl can live her everyday life in, and feel confident and unique. If I had to live the rest of my life wearing only one thing, you can bet that Chloe would be the one to tie me down. It would be worth the thousands, to feel so young and lovely for all time.

stovepipes and intros

i have a confession. i'm judgemental. there is this super cute girl in my english class, but i can't be friends with her because she wears flared jeans (l.e.i. stonewash). along with 75% of my peers, i have caught the skinny, tapered jeans bug. and i've got it bad. bad to the point where i've started judging my friends on their choice of jeans. and disown them, if it sucks. doesn't everyone realize that skinny just looks better? but you know, i shouldn't be such a bitch. a long, long, long time ago (spring 2004) i, myself, wore flared jeans. yes, it's true. i was a senior in high school with a wet seal card. and i can finally admit it but only because i own a pair of sass & bides. i don't want anyone to think that i am an elitist with an impeccable sense of style. i just want people to trust me and my opinions. and a girl with flared jeans cannot be trusted.

jaggers intro

As a thirty-two year old white female living in the USA I am of course interested in spreading my love for crunk, puppies, and finding sustainable energy sources. I am a long time listener, first time authority of music. Some may believe that I have dropped out of the 'new' music scene, but it would not be true. I am continually bored by what is indie, punk, and rock. You might see me posting about Polish jazz trumpeters instead of Tilly and The Wall, but I guarantee you my opinion will be educated.

Uh, ilgill, uh

In the course of human events, few things have truly earned the title of "innovation." Fire, sliced bread, the airplane, and the atom bomb have all barely impacted the evolution of civilization compared to the sheer force that will be "Bad Off Sick."

Hi, my name is Gilbert and I'm a nerd rapper. Videogames, teh internet, and bad music are my favorite things in life. Because of my interests I enjoy exaggeration and hyperbole, and I'm prone to either being highly facetious or rather crude. Usually both at once. However, during this auspicious occasion of the creation of my lovely g/f's new blog I have chosen the former. This may be contrary to how I will write in the future for I find the intricacies of the vernacular to be quite liberating. Those familiar with my work in the field of music may know exactly what I mean. Those unfamiliar will soon find out. Perhaps as soon as the next sentence, bitches.

bad off sick is.....

The most realistic thing on my to-do list right now. Rather than jumping right into re-learning French, making a full-length film, and sewing a ready-to-wear collection, I've decided to start here. After living in LA for about 3 months, I had a mini-crisis just yesterday where I started to feel like I was falling back into a routine again. Among the interests I've taken up are: being a wino, eating everywhere possible, and being a wino. Oh, and also not finishing anything I start. Either I've had writer's block for about a year, or I've just gotten sucked into the leisurely LA lifestyle.....I think it's both, but it certainly cannot continue. I want to be creative again and start doing things that I care about. With this blog, I want to give hip kids with a point a view a forum to share their interests and opinions, and relate to each other as well. I graduated from college last December, and all I have to show for it is a boring 9-5, expensive shoes, and a minimally furnished West Hollywood apartment that I can just barely afford. But Bad off Sick will be my Rushmore.

I'd like this blog to follow in the footsteps of magazines like Nylon and i-D. It's going to be a cultural extravaganza of film, fashion, art, and music. As for the name....it's got nothing to do with anything, and everything to do with the funniest inside joke of my life. Maybe I'll tell you about it. But you'll have to stay tuned.