CREAM

i figured enough time has passed that i can start writing in this again. everyone has forgotten about it since i stopped updating. not that anyone was reading it before anyway. but anyway, i just feel like writing right now because it's late and i want to do work but i always feel better about moving forward with work after i've expressed myself somehow, to no one.

my fingers hurt because all i have been doing all night is practicing guitar so that elijah can be proud of me. i love playing music with him but he is so good and fast and i can barely keep up so i practiced alone tonight and came up with some awesome new riffs for our song.

i have been so depressed lately, mostly about money. god, i can't wait till i get all my shit together. i have a new job but i am so delinquent on all my bills and i am just basically fucked right now for the next couple of months or however long it takes me to get caught up. with runway season going on, plus a recent trip to barneys i am finally starting to remember that i can use my love of designer clothing as a motivator. that sounds stupid but it's totally dumb to be working in the "fashion" field but being completely unable to shop. it's not conducive to staying up on the scene in general. i just see a pair of tough black boots and want to die bc i can't have them and then i just don't want to look at anything at all.

i dunno things will improve soon, i know, i just have to stay posi. i feel so weird about this show on saturday, i just feel like my luck has been so shitty and everything's gonna get fucked. i just want a nice man to take care of me.